Please keep in mind, I am usually not one of those women that is afraid to get old. In fact I am the opposite, I am thrilled that I am getting the chance to grow old. In fact sometimes when people ask how old I am, I say an age 5 - 10 years older just so they'll say, "wow you look great for your age"! he he I mean I'm still trying to convince everyone I'm really 67. Ok, so herein lies my issue. I want my kids to stop growing up so fast! A single statement today pushed me down this contemplative path. What was the comment you ask?
Well, here goes. The day started out innocuous enough because today was back to school day! (Yes I know it is so incredibly early for this!) And we had already been through the argument about wearing the new clothes and not the ratty basketball shorts, tshirt etc. that they wanted to wear. Now we had moved on to the, "Mom why do we have to take these same pictures every year?" discussion. Then the comment or rather statement was made, "You're not walking us in. Please don't".
I felt like my heart had been ripped out with piano wire. My girls simply wanted us to drop them at the curb, in fact, they didn't even want us to take a picture of them at school unless I could just do it from the car (and I did!) and it sucked! I was strong, and didn't berate them or wave and yell things like "Bye my babies!"
But once they were out of the car and Greg and I were on our way back to the house my torrent of emotion spewed forth pretty much like this.
Shanna: "Can you believe they wouldn't let me (yes me not us) walk them to their class room
Shanna: "Don't you even feel a little bit sad that the day is now here where they don't want us around?"
Shanna: "What the hell is wrong with you?" (note my use of tact!)
Greg: "I would be worried if they did want us to and weren't confident enough to handle it on their own."
That's right I have no comeback...I know this will amaze all of my friends because Shanna always has a comeback and apparently can talk about herself in 3rd person...but I truly didn't. He was right.
Man it ticks me off to have to say he's right.
I am proud of them! I AM! Hell, I'm proud of us for raising them to be independent, self-confident and strong. BUT, there's still that part of me that wants to walk them to class and watch their nervous smiles and kiss their foreheads and tell them that they will have a great day. I want them to tell them that I am proud of them and know they will do great things. But maybe they don't need me to tell them that or hold their hand because I may have already shown them.
And here are the pics from first day...